Crumbling down

William had an opportunity to interview again with BYU-I for a temporary Faculty position. It was a 1-3 year gig. He really was hesitant about applying again because they didn't offer him the other position a year ago, but with lots of pushing for me he did it. He made it to the top 2 this time, then we had to wait 6 gloriously long weeks, that were filled with excitement, apprehension, wonder, and comfort.. I didn't know if we would get it or not. I hoped we would get it, so we could have some more stability in our lives, but we didn't know for sure. Yesterday was the day, the day we would hear. Henry had his preschool graduation, we made it through that, and then the call came, we knew by that time they had chosen the other person. It was closing time at BYU-I and we just knew. Of course they said they offered the position to the other person, of course we weren't suprised, why would we get it. We have been so used to rejection, why would this be any different? We held it together till we got home, had scripture study and prayer and then William and I lost it. I didn't know not getting this job would affect us so much. Was it because they rejected us the first time, was it because we still had some more enduring to go through? I don't know but I do know at that moment and for the next 12 hours it felt like our world came crashing down. We slept horribly, woke up to a dreary morning, and it felt like we were literally picking up pieces of our life and putting it back together. Elder Uchdorf talked about how we are to be grateful in all circumstances.. How in the world could we be grateful for this, yet anther rejection? I kept thinking about that last night, I was most definitely for the Carmelitas i had made, that we were still breathing etc. Maybe we dodged a bullet by not getting the job..Who knows? We might never know, but it sucked that we didn't have to choice to accept or deny the job. So once again  my amazing, handsome, husband got a second place medal when he very well deserved first. He likes to think the person who got it needed it more that us, I just think they suck and they don't know what my husband is capable of. So for now we will continue to pick up our pieces of our life and try to be grateful we wont be moving this summer.